I started this site on May 7, 2008 to record my dealings with dysthymia, a moderate form of depression. But don’t be fooled; dysthymia can do really horrible things to a person’s life, too. Mine snuck up on me over the course of six months, and by the time I realized something was wrong, I was crying to myself every night for no good reason, my grades had hit rock-bottom, my relationship with my parents was deteriorating, and I had lost most of my friends.
This journal is a record of my battle with this illness. I’m lucky; severe depression has a strong history on both sides of my family, and I’m fortunate to have realized something was wrong as soon as I did. I don’t know how long it will take, but I do know that I can beat it. All of my relatives who had it did, and they suffered more than I do now.
My depression is one of the big reasons why I plan to never have children. Postpartum depression also runs strong in my family, and is usually very severe. My own mother tells me how she couldn’t even get out of bed to comfort me when I cried, and felt she was going crazy. She managed to get through, thanks to counseling, but her own mother and sister also had it bad, and I really don’t want that story to repeat. It wouldn’t be fair to the child, either; I don’t want them to go through what I have to deal with now.
